Why What Other People Say Need Not Affect Our Mood.

Bad moodsWe ended up going away for Easter and had a really lovely time in the countryside with the kids but when we got back my husband and I both somehow found ourselves in a low mood. I had been happy during our break but very tired. My husband had been in a slightly bad mood and not sleeping but when he was with the kids he was great. However to me it occurred that he was being a bit snappy.

I had been reading a book while we were away about a husband who undermines and snaps at his wife, deceives her and then doesn’t realise what he’s lost until there’s no going back. –So maybe that had seeped into my mind-set a bit.

Therefore his snapping appeared to me like he was undermining me and my confidence – which let’s face it when I’m in a low mood is the first thing to go.

This clash of moods resulted in me having a go at my husband for constantly having a go at me and undermining me. I stated in a ‘neutral way’, I thought, how he should consider more the effects of what he was saying. He responded by saying he didn’t feel he could discuss this with me and so we both went to bed in a very bad mood. Him grumpy, me emotional.

Then as I was lying to down to go to sleep I laughed because I realised that no one can say anything to hurt me. People can say what they say; it’s up to me to take it personally or not. In this instance I saw that I was not only taking it personally (even though I know he’s always like this when he’s in a bad mood) I was adding to my own pain by making what he said mean something about me, i.e. that I’m worthless and useless. Therefore adding extra layers of upset and discomfort about what had been said and so making it stick around for longer and in effect innocently making myself feel worse.

Once I saw this I instantly felt compassion for myself and my husband and I started to laugh at the all too familiar patterns of behaviour that we innocently repeat and again and again and it was gone. – Until I fall for it next time or don’t. C’est la vie

If you are curious to learn more about what I’m talking about which come from a deep understanding and not a technique  – then why not join us for our online talk this Thursday 14th April at 8pm where we’ll be talking about ‘Taking Bad Moods In Your Stride’ . If you would like to join us let me know and I’ll send you the details of how can access this talk via computer, phone or tablet.

 

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