And That’s Just The Tip of the Iceberg by Chaya Cohen

I’ve been thinking of icebergs recently.

No, not because the weather is particularly icy.

I have an image in my mind of an iceberg with the tip visible and the huge frozen mountain submerged underwater, totally hidden.

With the help of google images and freeware photo sites, I found some images that fit what I’m picturing.  Here they are:

 

 

 

 

And here is a illustration showing how most of the iceberg is submerged.

If not the weather, what prompted me to think of icebergs?

I’ve been thinking of ourselves.

When asked how they are, people respond differently.  Some give a big smile and a resounding enthusiastic reply.  Some ignore the question.  Some give a detailed answer, even detailed enough to make the casual questioner regret having asked.  Some give a resounding complaint.  Some people address their financial state.  Or their parents’ health.  Or their diet progress.  Or this week’s update of the current serial story going on in their life.

Truthfully, though, all of these options address the top 10% of the iceberg that is visible.  Perhaps, actually, the top 2% would be more accurate. Because we as people are amazing.  Infinitely so.  We have a pure soul.  We have tons of potential.  We do so much in the background, besides what we are also doing.

And we are so much more than our accomplishments.

We ARE.

We are human beings.

How we are feeling and doing is so superficial.

Even when I’m in the middle of a drama, that drama is not ME.  That drama is the top wave in the ocean.  It reflects what I’m feeling, what I’m thinking.  But I am the ocean.  When the wave crashes, the ocean isn’t in turmoil!  The upper layer is!  The ocean is just fine.

 

 

 

 

As are we.  Just fine, just great, with the visible tip of the iceberg doing some wild dances.

Chaya has been learning about innate health with and from me on and off for several years. As she has limited access to the internet she kindly gave  me permission to post it on her behalf so that you can benefit from it too. She now teaches innate health in her own right while raising a family in Israel. If you would like to hear more from her get in contact and I’ll pass your details on to her.

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Because I’m human

Because I’m human I find life easier when I live my life as if I’m putting one foot in front of the other.

Because I’m human I find life easier when I remember that all there is what is happening now, ie me writing this, and that everything else that’s going on in my head is my made up creation.

Because I’m human I find life easier when I trust that everything will work out as it should irrespective of what I do because ultimately I can do my best but I’m not in control anyway.

Because I’m human I forget this…

Because I’m human and I forget this sometimes and I start to get interested in all the thoughts about what needs to be done.

Because I’m human and my thoughts create my feelings, the more I get interested in my thinking about what needs to be done, the more sped up and the more and more overwhelmed I feel.

Because I’m human I start collapsing all the things I need to do and all the different arrangements I need to make so they become bigger and BIGGER in my head and they seem insurmountable.

Because I’m human and I forget I sometime relate to my circumstances like they are me, and I start to think it’s because it’s the school holidays. It’s too much, I can’t juggle my kids, my job my life! I’m not a good mother, wife, colleague, daughter, person etc. etc. etc.!

Because I’m human I start to feel more and more overwhelmed by these feelings until I feel like a volcano about to go off!

Because I’m human when this happens I erupt like a volcano and I cry and I howl and I try and hide in the kitchen

And my children see me and I have to say ‘sorry mummy’s just got herself all worked up now’

And I cry and cry

And I think I’m an ‘Innate Health teacher’ I should know different!

But in that moment all I can see is how real my thinking feels to me and I cry and I howl, and I beat myself up for not being good enough and I go to bed crying and angry at myself.

Because I’m human and I get this way I can’t sleep and my mind is racing

And I realise it may be a good idea to listen to Syd Banks so I do;

But my mind is racing and I can’t hear what he is saying

But I do hear him say “Seriousness like life is a thought and this thought creates a feeling. And if you create the feeling of seriousness then you are in a very serious state.”

(And I hear laughter from the audience and him.)

Then I hear him say

” You are very liable to have stress, strain, sickness and unhappiness and jealousy and everything else… Now seriousness doesn’t help you do anything in life but destroy yourself.”

And even though I’m not quite ready to hear it something does resonate with me,
because at the back of my mind something knows that what he is saying is true

And eventually I fall asleep.

When I wake up I don’t feel 100% and I’m still beating myself up

But part of me knows that beating myself up is a habit

But I’m not quite ready to give that habit up.

Part of me also knows that I’m just taking everything very seriously at the moment; and even though I’m still doing it

A little compassion for myself creeps in

And eventually after a few days I remember what makes life easier and then I’m back again

Until I forget, which I do because I’m human, (sometimes for an hour, sometimes for a day sometimes for a week, sometimes longer).

That’s my version of being human. What’s yours?

Go on I know you have your version too

Because you are human just like me.

If anything I’ve written resonates with you and you are curious to find out more, please get in touch I’d love to hear from you.

How To Keep Your Head When All About You Are Losing Theirs by Matt Halfin

Moods are like the weatherAt a moment where uncertainty, fear and anger are all around, there is no greater need to understand that our experience comes not from what is happening around us but by the meaning that we choose to give it, however much it looks the other way. You may notice that watching the news or reading Facebook comes with certain feelings, whilst when we are absorbed in our day to day lives those feelings recede, the reason being that we feel our thinking in the moment. The most helpful thing for us to do is to see any insecure thinking for what it is and as far as possible – difficult I know- try not to feed it.

All we can do is what makes sense to each of us to stay in a clearer state of mind where we have greatest access to the wisdom, creativity and fresh thinking which are undoubtedly required if we are to navigate our way gracefully through the unknown .

If you would like to get a deeper appreciation of what becomes available to us in life and in work when we drop the thinking that holds us back come and join our ‘Go Deep Urban Retreat’ on Monday 11 July 9.30am – 4pm. To find out more and to book click here.

 

That Insecure Feeling – Reflections from a sunny day with stormy thinking

FearIt’s funny I was having a lovely day enjoying the sunshine with my toddler and all of a sudden I started to feel a bit angsty and a bit insecure. Then I started to question myself about things I’d said and not said, done and not done which led me to more insecure feelings. Sometimes I can experience these feelings and then blame them on feeling tired and somehow that takes the edge off them because I naturally know not to trust them no matter how alluring they seem. Other times these negative thoughts draw me into their web and then whatever happens in the day I seem to use them as ammunition to fuel that thinking and make myself feel worse and worse. Continue reading

Why What Other People Say Need Not Affect Our Mood.

Bad moodsWe ended up going away for Easter and had a really lovely time in the countryside with the kids but when we got back my husband and I both somehow found ourselves in a low mood. I had been happy during our break but very tired. My husband had been in a slightly bad mood and not sleeping but when he was with the kids he was great. However to me it occurred that he was being a bit snappy.

I had been reading a book while we were away about a husband who undermines and snaps at his wife, deceives her and then doesn’t realise what he’s lost until there’s no going back. –So maybe that had seeped into my mind-set a bit. Continue reading

New Job / Old Job – Finding Wisdom In The Eye Of A Storm

Lightbulb momentToward the end of last year my husband was out of work and suggested it may be a good time for me to think about getting some part time work. He was very positive about the opportunity to look for something new and explore different avenues and I was happy for him but I wasn’t happy for me!

His situation brought up lots of past memories of the times I’d been made redundant.  Like my husband my background is in marketing both client and agency side. In my experience it’s quite a volatile market and my career path has had shall we say lots of twists and turns in it. This path has led to what I’m doing now teaching Innate Health which I see as a true expression of what I’ve done to date.  Therefore the thought of going back into working for someone else doing marketing again filled me with dread and self- oathing for all the things/overthinking I can now see I innocently did that held me back in my career and at times made me desperately unhappy. Continue reading

Family Relationships – An always on connection

Guest post by fellow overthinker Matt Halfin

Matts experience of family relationships bigger

For many years my mum has told me that when I was 13 I ‘turned’ from a  loving, model son into a rebellious, uncommunicative teen- and never turned back (I’m now 37 and counting). This always raises a groan, and latterly a smile from me, but turns out she might have been right…well partly…

Several years ago I was on a personal development course where I saw for the first time the degree to which my experience of past and present circumstances and the people in my life were a product of the judgements and interpretations I had made in my head rather than being true or objective as they had previously seemed (as I now see, only 100%). Continue reading

Contemplations on Make Up and Money

make up and moneyThanks  to Lian Brook-Tyler who kindly originally published this article as ‘What A Fabulous Lipstick Taught Me About Happinness’ on the Born Happy website in August this year.

A few months ago I happened to be in Primrose Hill and feeling indulgent popped into Space NK tried on some green lipstick that enhanced your natural lip colour. To me it felt fabulous, but as I felt it was frivolous to spend money on something I didn’t need, decided not to buy it.

A month or so later I happened to be going to St Johns Wood on a course so I had two days to myself without the kids in tow (Yippee!). The lipstick had been on my mind, and since I knew there was a Space NK there too, I thought I’d treat myself to it. But that morning I went to withdraw money and there was none left in my account. Since I didn’t want to check it from my phone I realised I’d have to wait until I got home to see what had happened. I decided not to let it dominate my day and just enjoy my course which I did. (This was a huge achievement for me because in the past I would have obsessed about it all day and not been able to concentrate on anything else.)

At the end of the day I thought I’d try the lipstick on again anyway just in case my bank statement was wrong, so I did and I liked it. Then the sales assistant showed me a similar type of lipstick that was more expensive and had more ‘benefits’. I liked this one even more! I thought if I could wear this when I did my talk at Tikun that was being screened live, the lipstick would make me glow and I would feel fabulous!

Trouble was my bank statement turned out to be correct, so I couldn’t buy it even though it was really tempting. Then I thought: ‘Well, I’ll use this as an incentive to get clients and earn money so I can spend money on frivolous things like lipstick.” and got into very determined thinking. This led to more thinking about money and not having enough and not earning enough and not contributing enough!

What a lot of thinking I got into just from trying out a lipstick!

The funny thing is as people know me know, I’m not big into make-up. I see it as a treat and wear it sparingly except for on special occasions. Even thinking about make-up, gets me into lots of thinking about it! For instance, I was kindly given a voucher for my 40th birthday and I spent it on expensive make-up and sometimes when I look at it I feel bad cos even though I like, it I’m sure I could get similar products that were the same at a fraction of the price.

On reflection we buy into make-up and into conversations about needing things because we think it will make us feel good.

I didn’t have the special lipstick on when I did my talk at Tikun that’s now been watched by over 170 people. You can watch it here (start it at 2:00:54 as it’s unedited) and I felt fabulous and glowing and I know that wasn’t from the make-up… it came from inside.

My thinking about money and perceived lack of it was just that – thinking about money. Once I saw that all the obsessing and striving was coming from me and getting me no-where fast it naturally dropped away. My situation hasn’t changed. I have what I need and my family has what we need and that’s all that counts. If we didn’t I trust that I’d know what to do ensure that we did. So my circumstances are still the same but I don’t see money, or a perceived lack of it as a problem any-more. Nothing has changed… just my perspective.

That’s how life is, if you focus on something as a problem be it money, your job etc it becomes a problem until it doesn’t.

Now I guess I’m onto the next thing – lack of time anyone?!? Tee Hee.

If you have enjoyed this and want to know more, feel free to get in touch and I’m happy to offer you a half hour introductory Skype call at no cost. If you want to meet in person join our growing band of overthinkers at Overthinkers Anonymous. We will meeting up on Wednesday 16 September in Queens Park where we will be discussing ‘If it’s really true that there is too much to do and too little time to do it’ , it would be lovely to see you there.

Also if you or anyone you know have recently had a baby and want a chance to let off steam and get support from other mums as well as learn something that will help them deal with life with a baby then join me for our next NapChat on Thursday 17 September. To find out more click here.

Contemplating Reality – Lessons From Sick Days Off School

Contemplating Reality - Lesson from sick days off schoolMy 3 year old was off school with a bug last week. It started with him throwing up in the middle of the night so we kept him home a day. Then he was well again so we sent him back to school but they sent him straight back because he had a temperature. That afternoon he was lively as anything. The day after he was very weak and lay on the sofa feeling really poorly. – To the degree that if the slightest thing went wrong – like the milk evaporated into his Weetabix in the wrong way I was in trouble! Meanwhile the baby now 10 months was in classic maniac mode – cruising round our living room like a mountaineer discovering new terrain without a safety harness. – So lots of tears there too!

Even though this lasted only a few days I really got a new appreciation for what Syd Banks could have meant when he said “The brain acts like a computer. Whatever you put into it is all you get out.“* I noticed I would go into the kitchen to ‘do something/take a breather/have a sneaky bit of chocolate’ and I would start to think about being desperate to get out of the house so I would feel claustrophobic.  Then I would be in the living room with the kids and I would start to think about all the work I had to do to get the questionnaire I was creating about ‘the emotional support available to parents of babies’ done and I would start to have feelings of impatience and stress. I would then not buy into these and they would pass naturally and then I’d be back with the children seeing how cute they were and feeling love and compassion again. Continue reading

Why People’s Insistence That You Move Onto The Next Life Stage Need Not Bother You

Life CycleMy baby has recently turned 6 months old and for the last month or so, people have started saying ‘Aren’t you going to wean him now?’ This didn’t bother me but it struck me that in the past I have allowed comments like this to really affect me. Why is everyone in such a hurry for people to move onto the next stage in their lives?!? It’s like when you have a partner people say ‘when are you going to get engaged?’ and then when you are engaged they say ‘When are you going to get married?’ Then as soon as you are married they say ‘When are you going to have a baby?’

I remember when we were desperate to have a second child and it just wasn’t happening and I took this very badly and was upset and emotional for months about it. People kept saying things like ‘Shouldn’t you be having another one by now’ and to me this felt like they were stabbing me because I took it very personally. I was lucky enough to be studying on The 3 Principles Professional Institute at the time. I remember my supervisor Dr Aaron Turner pointed out that people were just innocently saying what they were saying. It was me who was creating the experience of what they were saying that was affecting me, not them. It was only when I could see that I was causing pain to myself that I was able to hear these comments and not be affected.

I now see that people innocently ask life cycle questions just as they would ask what the weather is like and it’s up to us how we hear and interpret these comments and how we let them affect us or not.