It’s funny how life can look totally different from one moment to the next

I’m constantly amazed how life can look totally different from one day to the next.

A few days ago I was fearful for our future and at times even felt like leaving my husband. I wanted someone to wave a magic wand to make everything better and magic us to a time when we could live a life earning enough to spend what we wanted, yet still both doing what we loved and spending lots of time with our kids. Continue reading

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There Are Small Miracles Around If We Are Open To Seeing Them

miracle-jpegThe other day I got to train station and realised I didn’t have my Oyster card. I thought that’s funny I had it this morning, maybe I dropped it somewhere.  I phoned my colleague at work to see if I had left it there but couldn’t get through so it occurred to me that I could use my debit card for my train journey so that’s what I did.

I then thought about buying a new card because I wasn’t keen on using my debit card on the bus with the kids due to having tonnes of stuff with us and the mere chaos of getting on and off the bus with them, the buggy and two scooters! Yes we don’t travel light! But my feeling was to wait until the next day to see if I could find my oyster card. So I negotiated getting my debit card out of my wallet on the two chaotic bus journeys and then the calmer more sedate journey to work the next morning.

When I got close to work it was 5 minutes before I was due in and it occurred to me that I could go to the park I had been at lunchtime the day before and see if my oyster card was there. Normally I would have dismissed this thought because it would make me a little late for work but I let my feeling guide me. Sure enough wonder of wonder, miracles of miracles I got to where I was sitting opposite some teenagers the day before and my oyster card was lying on grass nearby.  I was ecstatic and beaming from ear to ear.  It wasn’t that I had found my oyster card it was because I was present to the shear miracle of what had happened.

When I reflected on this I recognised the power of following your wisdom. In that instance I had allowed myself to be quiet enough to hear my wisdom and not fight it with my logic which in the past would have always won over because its voice was much louder and more forceful, to the degree that I was never present to the wisdom inside of me.

May your wisdom guide you and may you see the miracles in daily life that are always available to us if we are open enough to seeing them.

If anything I’ve written resonates with you and you are curious to find out more, please get in touch I’d love to hear from you.

I Struggle and Juggle – The Truth About Being a Mum of Young Kids Today

mum juggling bals of work, husband, kids and freindsI am a mum of 2 gorgeous young boys, wife to a lovely husband (well most of the time), part-time marketing professional and Innate Health Teacher and I juggle and I struggle. I love my boys and my jobs and my husband and I struggle.

I struggle on days when I am trying to get the kids out the house and my eldest son doesn’t want to go to school and I have to perform every parent gymnastics trick in the book to get him there until suddenly he has a change of heart and is happy to go. Then I enjoy the moment of his returned good mood and I wonder at it.

I struggle on days when I have to do a last minute nappy change before we leave and the bus won’t let me on because there are already two buggies on board.

I struggle  on days when it all runs smoothly but I’m in my head about being on time and getting them there and I feel like I’ve done 5 rounds with Mike Tyson by the time I’ve got to work, when in fact I’ve just done 5 rounds with myself.

I love my kids and I struggle. There’s a facebook group for mums called ‘mums that hide in the loo.’ Well I’m a mum who howls in the kitchen. Just to let off steam and occasionally have a sneaky bit of chocolate to keep me going – you understand. Sometimes I even have some that’s left over from the boys party bags (well better my teeth than theirs!).

And I howl to myself and I struggle and I love my children and I treasure the moments we have together because I know it’s precious.

I struggle when I look at Facebook and I start to compare myself to what others are doing. Then I remember that just like me people are only ever posting what they want others to see and that brings me back to the present and I’m OK again.

I juggle and I struggle and sometimes when I’m juggling I don’t pay enough attention to something and I drop a ball, mess up and innocently hurt people. I take responsibility for what I’ve done and I apologise. But I don’t drive myself crazy with guilt like I used to because I know I would be causing myself pain and why would I want to do that to myself anymore?!?

I struggle and I learn. I learn from my gorgeous young boys who for the majority of the time live in the here and now and not in their heads. They are upset about something and they express this clearly and then they are not, they’re onto the next thing.

And I see that I like everyone else on this planet am only ever living in the experience of my thinking. That I’m doing the best I can given what I know to do in the moment. I know that my kids will do what they do and if I’m in a bad mood I’ll see it in a bad way and if I’m in a good mood I’ll think it’s funny and this frees me up. – Because I know that my experience of my kids comes from me and not from them.

And I notice that when I’m seeing life as it is and not as it isn’t. – When I’m present to what is happening now and not lost in my head I savour all life has to offer and I love my kids and life even more. And I notice when I’m lost in my thoughts of how life should be, what’s happening, not happening, if we are late or not, have I left something behind, are my kids OK? Am I OK? Did I get enough sleep? Did my husband get enough sleep? Did I do/say the right thing/the wrong thing?  Where’s my phone? Etc etc ad infinitum I’m distracted and I miss out on the beauty and the wonder of life.

Sometimes when I feel like I’m struggling I can see the habits of thought I’ve created. – For example  when I’m judging myself for something I’ve done or said and then feel bad as a result.  I say to myself here I go again… and I can be OK with myself for doing it, give into it and accept it and it passes quickly. Sometimes I can’t and then I struggle. But now the more I see these habits and I notice the thoughts that I trip myself up on, the less likely I am to believe them the next time they pop into my head.

You see we all have 100,000’s of thoughts a day many of which we don’t notice, and the ones we do and pay attention to give us our experience of life.

Life is precious. Time with my kids is precious and the more I’m truly with them, not distracted by my thinking, the more I enjoy them, appreciate them and love them for the wonder that they are. -How they know what to do to get on in the world without being taught. How they learn to walk and talk and become little people, from their infinite wisdom. The infinite wisdom we all possess that as adults sometimes gets clouded over by the habits and constructs of how to do life that we have unknowingly built up over time.   Well those habits and constructs are just that ‘constructs’. If we can notice that we have built them up then we can knock them down again just as easily. – That to me is one of the keys to living life with less and less struggle.

So I may have the same worrisome thoughts I’ve always had but I don’t experience the same physical sensations; the palpitations, the lack of sleep, the sudden stomach cramps, because I see them for what they are – just thoughts and I don’t trust them so much. As a result I don’t get so entangled in their web that would tighten around me the more I got interested in them and that would lead to my physical discomfort. This is in itself is a blessing.

So I have admitted here that I struggled and I still do but for far less time and with less impact than I have ever done at any point in my life since I was a child. Because now I see my ‘struggle’ for what it is, my own creation and that beyond the so-called ‘struggle’ there is always a light guiding me back to the beauty of the here and now.

If anything I’ve written resonates with you and you fancy joining us and a community of like minded familes in the beautiful Lake District  to reconnect to what’s really important in life  then join us at the 3 Principles Family Gathering. Find out more here.

When does thinking become overthinking? By Matt Halfin

Too many lightbulb momentsMost of us who overthink know from the reaction of our friends and family that there are certain areas of life we take more seriously than other people, but when does thinking become over-thinking?

For me overthinking is when we inhibit the natural flow of life, tying ourselves (and often others) up in mental knots trying to work out The Answer, trying to anticipate any potential outcome, and basically not being able to see the wood for the trees. We of course do this in all innocence and with the best possible intentions – to make good decisions and minimise the risk of things happening to us that we think we might not like. Continue reading

Moods – As Changeable As The Weather? By Matt Halfin

Moods are like the weatherAs someone who is prone to low moods – by which I mean periods of days or weeks that I feel flat, and more negative, impatient, dissatisfied and heavy – what has been incredibly helpful to me is to understand the true nature of moods.

I used to think that there had to be something causing a bad mood, that they were an unwelcome deviation from being creative and switched on caused by some situation or person to be resisted at all costs. If someone or something was bringing me down then the logical thing was to work out what was doing it and try and fix it. As such I would routinely enrol those closest to me trying to diagnose the cause and cure, which was inevitably a fruitless exercise as I lacked the clarity and perspective to have any fresh thinking. Continue reading

New Job / Old Job – Finding Wisdom In The Eye Of A Storm

Lightbulb momentToward the end of last year my husband was out of work and suggested it may be a good time for me to think about getting some part time work. He was very positive about the opportunity to look for something new and explore different avenues and I was happy for him but I wasn’t happy for me!

His situation brought up lots of past memories of the times I’d been made redundant.  Like my husband my background is in marketing both client and agency side. In my experience it’s quite a volatile market and my career path has had shall we say lots of twists and turns in it. This path has led to what I’m doing now teaching Innate Health which I see as a true expression of what I’ve done to date.  Therefore the thought of going back into working for someone else doing marketing again filled me with dread and self- oathing for all the things/overthinking I can now see I innocently did that held me back in my career and at times made me desperately unhappy. Continue reading

Inspiration Can Come From Anywhere If You Let It

butterfly pictureOver the summer my 4 year old suddenly started drawing beautiful pictures of butterflies. When I looked at them they were a source of wander to me, because although over time he has been gradually drawing people – first the face then the body, now adding legs, arms, hands and feet, he had never drawn like that before. To me it came out of nowhere and I got a very special feeling from looking at it, and not just one of love that came from being a parent.

On reflection what I see that inspired me was to me this picture appeared to come out of nowhere. That over the years he has been taking things in and building knowledge and wisdom and this came out on the page. I find this inspiring because as an adult we do things here and there never knowing where they lead. We learn and take in things from our surroundings and our lives we are not even aware of. Yet somehow we believe we know what we are capable of and put limits on ourselves based on what we think we can and can’t do when really we have no idea.

If you have enjoyed this and want to know more, feel free to get in touch and I’m happy to offer you a half hour introductory Skype call at no cost. If you want to meet in person join our growing band of overthinkers at Overthinkers Anonymous. We will meeting up on Wednesday 16 September in Queens Park where we will be discussing ‘If it’s really true that there is too much to do and too little time to do it’ , it would be lovely to see you there.

Also if you or anyone you know have recently had a baby and want a chance to let off steam and get support from other mums as well as learn something that will help them deal with life with a baby then join me for our next NapChat on Thursday 17 September. To find out more click here.