I’m constantly amazed how life can look totally different from one day to the next.
A few days ago I was fearful for our future and at times even felt like leaving my husband. I wanted someone to wave a magic wand to make everything better and magic us to a time when we could live a life earning enough to spend what we wanted, yet still both doing what we loved and spending lots of time with our kids. Continue reading
Because I’m human I find life easier when I live my life as if I’m putting one foot in front of the other.
Because I’m human I find life easier when I remember that all there is what is happening now, ie me writing this, and that everything else that’s going on in my head is my made up creation.
Because I’m human I find life easier when I trust that everything will work out as it should irrespective of what I do because ultimately I can do my best but I’m not in control anyway.
Because I’m human I forget this…
Because I’m human and I forget this sometimes and I start to get interested in all the thoughts about what needs to be done.
Because I’m human and my thoughts create my feelings, the more I get interested in my thinking about what needs to be done, the more sped up and the more and more overwhelmed I feel.
Because I’m human I start collapsing all the things I need to do and all the different arrangements I need to make so they become bigger and BIGGER in my head and they seem insurmountable.
Because I’m human and I forget I sometime relate to my circumstances like they are me, and I start to think it’s because it’s the school holidays. It’s too much, I can’t juggle my kids, my job my life! I’m not a good mother, wife, colleague, daughter, person etc. etc. etc.!
Because I’m human I start to feel more and more overwhelmed by these feelings until I feel like a volcano about to go off!
Because I’m human when this happens I erupt like a volcano and I cry and I howl and I try and hide in the kitchen
And my children see me and I have to say ‘sorry mummy’s just got herself all worked up now’
And I cry and cry
And I think I’m an ‘Innate Health teacher’ I should know different!
But in that moment all I can see is how real my thinking feels to me and I cry and I howl, and I beat myself up for not being good enough and I go to bed crying and angry at myself.
Because I’m human and I get this way I can’t sleep and my mind is racing
And I realise it may be a good idea to listen to Syd Banks so I do;
But my mind is racing and I can’t hear what he is saying
But I do hear him say “Seriousness like life is a thought and this thought creates a feeling. And if you create the feeling of seriousness then you are in a very serious state.”
(And I hear laughter from the audience and him.)
Then I hear him say
” You are very liable to have stress, strain, sickness and unhappiness and jealousy and everything else… Now seriousness doesn’t help you do anything in life but destroy yourself.”
And even though I’m not quite ready to hear it something does resonate with me,
because at the back of my mind something knows that what he is saying is true
And eventually I fall asleep.
When I wake up I don’t feel 100% and I’m still beating myself up
But part of me knows that beating myself up is a habit
But I’m not quite ready to give that habit up.
Part of me also knows that I’m just taking everything very seriously at the moment; and even though I’m still doing it
A little compassion for myself creeps in
And eventually after a few days I remember what makes life easier and then I’m back again
Until I forget, which I do because I’m human, (sometimes for an hour, sometimes for a day sometimes for a week, sometimes longer).
That’s my version of being human. What’s yours?
Go on I know you have your version too
Because you are human just like me.
If anything I’ve written resonates with you and you are curious to find out more, please get in touch I’d love to hear from you.
So about a week or so ago it was a bit of a rainy Sunday so I decided to take the 5 and half year old to a drama workshop as I thought he may enjoy it. When I read the description I thought there would be some kind of making of sets involved and my son loves making so I thought it would be perfect for him. I obviously read the description wrong because it wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. It turned out I wasn’t the only one because I happened to bump into two sets of friends at the workshop both of whom read it differently as well and expected it to be some kind of performance or something.
It turned out it was an interactive drama workshop where the parents and children had to take part! Needless to say I wasn’t that into it and neither were my friends and I can’t honestly say I did that well at playing along with it and fully participating myself. My son also wasn’t that keen and decided to opt out of some of it. I had also assumed it was going to be an hour and half but it turned out only to be 45 minutes, probably a good thing considering. Continue reading
It’s funny I was having a lovely day enjoying the sunshine with my toddler and all of a sudden I started to feel a bit angsty and a bit insecure. Then I started to question myself about things I’d said and not said, done and not done which led me to more insecure feelings. Sometimes I can experience these feelings and then blame them on feeling tired and somehow that takes the edge off them because I naturally know not to trust them no matter how alluring they seem. Other times these negative thoughts draw me into their web and then whatever happens in the day I seem to use them as ammunition to fuel that thinking and make myself feel worse and worse. Continue reading
Most of us who overthink know from the reaction of our friends and family that there are certain areas of life we take more seriously than other people, but when does thinking become over-thinking?
For me overthinking is when we inhibit the natural flow of life, tying ourselves (and often others) up in mental knots trying to work out The Answer, trying to anticipate any potential outcome, and basically not being able to see the wood for the trees. We of course do this in all innocence and with the best possible intentions – to make good decisions and minimise the risk of things happening to us that we think we might not like. Continue reading
Guest post by fellow overthinker Matt Halfin
For many years my mum has told me that when I was 13 I ‘turned’ from a loving, model son into a rebellious, uncommunicative teen- and never turned back (I’m now 37 and counting). This always raises a groan, and latterly a smile from me, but turns out she might have been right…well partly…
Several years ago I was on a personal development course where I saw for the first time the degree to which my experience of past and present circumstances and the people in my life were a product of the judgements and interpretations I had made in my head rather than being true or objective as they had previously seemed (as I now see, only 100%). Continue reading
With the onslaught of Valentine’s Day fast approaching it’s got me thinking about my days/endless years as a single Bridget and how the thoughts I held to be true unknowingly kept me single for so long.
You see being an overthinker it will not surprise you know that I had a lot of thinking during my many years of being single. In fact looking back I would probably say I was at the zenith of my overthinking during this period of my life. Most of which I was not aware of until it came into my view. – So much thinking and mistrust of people/men especially in fact that I had an invisible force field around me to keep men away. – To the degree that my friends called me ‘Danger Stranger’ to my face and I still never got the hint!!! Continue reading
My husband had been out of work for 3 months so naturally we have been tightening our belts, but one new thing I needed was a new diary for 2016. Yes, I know I have a smart phone but for an old Luddite like me there something comforting and helpful about writing your commitments down and seeing a week on one page – on paper not a screen!
So I was very excited about the prospect of buying a diary. To me it was a treat something for me, something I could indulge in. Therefore I had lots of thoughts and expectations of what I wanted. It had to be A6 to fit in my handbag and pocket, but still have enough room for what I anticipated to be my increasingly busy and inspiring life. It had to be colourful and inspirational and it had to be an expression of me. You can see where this is going can’t you… Continue reading
So I’ve just started a contract working 2 days a week and then 1 day a week I work for myself. This means that my eldest who is 4 and half has to join his brother at the childminders after school at least 2 days a week until 5.30pm or 6pm.
So last week I went to pick them up and I noticed he was a little upset about a Halloween bag my childminder had kindly got them both for a present. He didn’t want his and he was very upset when I insisted on taking his brother’s one home because he didn’t want him to have one either!
The bags had pictures of bats and spiders on, and I sensed this may be scaring him. As we were walking to the bus in the dark and the rain he got upset and told me he didn’t want the bag at home and I should throw it into a bush. I said no and told him that the bags just had pictures of bats and spiders on just like the pictures he drew of bats at home. He said no they were real and the rats he saw were real and everything was real, real, real!!!
We proceeded to have a ‘profoundish’ conversation about this for 5 minutes before we got into ‘I don’t want to go home, I just want to stand out in the rain!’ which he kept repeating and repeating and repeating! He looked so sad and tired all I felt was love and compassion for him so I kept reassuring him and saying ‘I know, I understand’ and then encouraging him to walk on. I then explained how it wasn’t good to stand out in the rain as we may get cold or worse and our feet would hurt, but he went on and on and on! Continue reading
I am a mum of 2 gorgeous young boys, wife to a lovely husband (well most of the time), part-time marketing professional and Innate Health Teacher and I juggle and I struggle. I love my boys and my jobs and my husband and I struggle.
Confessions of An Overthinker 