I’m constantly amazed how life can look totally different from one day to the next.
A few days ago I was fearful for our future and at times even felt like leaving my husband. I wanted someone to wave a magic wand to make everything better and magic us to a time when we could live a life earning enough to spend what we wanted, yet still both doing what we loved and spending lots of time with our kids. Continue reading
Because I’m human I find life easier when I live my life as if I’m putting one foot in front of the other.
Because I’m human I find life easier when I remember that all there is what is happening now, ie me writing this, and that everything else that’s going on in my head is my made up creation.
Because I’m human I find life easier when I trust that everything will work out as it should irrespective of what I do because ultimately I can do my best but I’m not in control anyway.
Because I’m human I forget this…
Because I’m human and I forget this sometimes and I start to get interested in all the thoughts about what needs to be done.
Because I’m human and my thoughts create my feelings, the more I get interested in my thinking about what needs to be done, the more sped up and the more and more overwhelmed I feel.
Because I’m human I start collapsing all the things I need to do and all the different arrangements I need to make so they become bigger and BIGGER in my head and they seem insurmountable.
Because I’m human and I forget I sometime relate to my circumstances like they are me, and I start to think it’s because it’s the school holidays. It’s too much, I can’t juggle my kids, my job my life! I’m not a good mother, wife, colleague, daughter, person etc. etc. etc.!
Because I’m human I start to feel more and more overwhelmed by these feelings until I feel like a volcano about to go off!
Because I’m human when this happens I erupt like a volcano and I cry and I howl and I try and hide in the kitchen
And my children see me and I have to say ‘sorry mummy’s just got herself all worked up now’
And I cry and cry
And I think I’m an ‘Innate Health teacher’ I should know different!
But in that moment all I can see is how real my thinking feels to me and I cry and I howl, and I beat myself up for not being good enough and I go to bed crying and angry at myself.
Because I’m human and I get this way I can’t sleep and my mind is racing
And I realise it may be a good idea to listen to Syd Banks so I do;
But my mind is racing and I can’t hear what he is saying
But I do hear him say “Seriousness like life is a thought and this thought creates a feeling. And if you create the feeling of seriousness then you are in a very serious state.”
(And I hear laughter from the audience and him.)
Then I hear him say
” You are very liable to have stress, strain, sickness and unhappiness and jealousy and everything else… Now seriousness doesn’t help you do anything in life but destroy yourself.”
And even though I’m not quite ready to hear it something does resonate with me,
because at the back of my mind something knows that what he is saying is true
And eventually I fall asleep.
When I wake up I don’t feel 100% and I’m still beating myself up
But part of me knows that beating myself up is a habit
But I’m not quite ready to give that habit up.
Part of me also knows that I’m just taking everything very seriously at the moment; and even though I’m still doing it
A little compassion for myself creeps in
And eventually after a few days I remember what makes life easier and then I’m back again
Until I forget, which I do because I’m human, (sometimes for an hour, sometimes for a day sometimes for a week, sometimes longer).
That’s my version of being human. What’s yours?
Go on I know you have your version too
Because you are human just like me.
If anything I’ve written resonates with you and you are curious to find out more, please get in touch I’d love to hear from you.
We ended up going away for Easter and had a really lovely time in the countryside with the kids but when we got back my husband and I both somehow found ourselves in a low mood. I had been happy during our break but very tired. My husband had been in a slightly bad mood and not sleeping but when he was with the kids he was great. However to me it occurred that he was being a bit snappy.
I had been reading a book while we were away about a husband who undermines and snaps at his wife, deceives her and then doesn’t realise what he’s lost until there’s no going back. –So maybe that had seeped into my mind-set a bit. Continue reading
Guest post by fellow overthinker Matt Halfin
For many years my mum has told me that when I was 13 I ‘turned’ from a loving, model son into a rebellious, uncommunicative teen- and never turned back (I’m now 37 and counting). This always raises a groan, and latterly a smile from me, but turns out she might have been right…well partly…
Several years ago I was on a personal development course where I saw for the first time the degree to which my experience of past and present circumstances and the people in my life were a product of the judgements and interpretations I had made in my head rather than being true or objective as they had previously seemed (as I now see, only 100%). Continue reading
I am a mum of 2 gorgeous young boys, wife to a lovely husband (well most of the time), part-time marketing professional and Innate Health Teacher and I juggle and I struggle. I love my boys and my jobs and my husband and I struggle.
Confessions of An Overthinker 