With the onslaught of Valentine’s Day fast approaching it’s got me thinking about my days/endless years as a single Bridget and how the thoughts I held to be true unknowingly kept me single for so long.
You see being an overthinker it will not surprise you know that I had a lot of thinking during my many years of being single. In fact looking back I would probably say I was at the zenith of my overthinking during this period of my life. Most of which I was not aware of until it came into my view. – So much thinking and mistrust of people/men especially in fact that I had an invisible force field around me to keep men away. – To the degree that my friends called me ‘Danger Stranger’ to my face and I still never got the hint!!!
To me I was an outgoing happy girl and I couldn’t understand why no one wanted to go out with me. What I didn’t realise was that although I was outgoing with my friendship group if anyone came by who I perceived as a stranger I started to feel uncomfortable. That discomfort I eventually realised came from suspicious mistrustful thinking, so no wander it felt to people like there was a force field around me.
Not only that but there were lots of crazy thoughts and expectations I held to be true like ‘How can I have a relationship if I don’t know how to have one?’ – ‘A man who pays the bill and takes you out is after one thing’ – Don’t get me started about sex I was so repressed and awkward no wonder I sent out the wrong signals.
Once I started to see that all of this suspicious thinking may not have been as trustworthy as I believed it to be, I was able to take it less seriously and question the validity of it so it naturally started to slip away. Whereas at the time it was a very loud voice I had to listen to, as I learnt to see it as untrustworthy it faded into the background – allowing space for me to be more and more in connection with people, and with my true self. So now years later that voice may occasionally still pop up but it’s now a faint whisper rather than something that I feel I have to act on.
We all have thoughts in life that hold us back and that sometimes can form into habits of behaviour. The trick is to be aware of this and be open to new and fresh ways of seeing the world and your situation whatever situation that may be and to not hold your thinking as fact and true. – The more we are able to see this, the more we are free to be our true selves and achieve whatever we want to in life whether that be a blossoming relationship or a successful career. It is only ever us and what thinking we take to be true that only ever holds us back.
If any of this rings true for you or anyone you know, or just makes you curious to find out more, Matt and I will be hosting an online talk on the ‘Uncovering Your Dating Blindspots‘ on Thursday 11 February at 8pm – why not join us. Click here to find out more.