Insights

I Get Triggered Too

/ George Halfin / Leave a comment

So l was at work and even though I was really busy something compelled me to look at an incoming email on my phone even though a voice inside me advised me not to. When I did the email was something about a mistake that had happened that could have financial implications for us, but the people who sent promised to try and sort it out for us. Well I got really wound up, angry, worried and distracted to the point when I couldn’t concentrate on my work. Thinking of all the things I should say to the people that in my eyes made the mistake and what the implications would be if they couldn’t sort it out etc. Thank goodness it was close to lunchtime and luckily I had the good sense not to quickly send a rude/concerned/reactive email back.

I went out for a walk to get some air and called my husband who I’d forwarded the email to. He reassured me that they would sort it out and offered to respond to them for me in calm and grateful way, something I was clearly incapable of! I thanked him and put the phone down but I was still really wound up. I bought my lunch and on the way back to the office as I going over and over things in my head I suddenly started laughing. You see at that time I had been co-facilitating a group for people struggling with issues around sex drugs and alcohol and in the groups we talked a lot about what triggers them to do what they do. Then it suddenly struck me, I have a habit of getting anxious and worried about what I term as ‘official financial stuff ‘and if I have to deal with anything related to this then I notice I get really triggered and angsty and take it all very seriously. That’s all that was happening now. Continue reading →

Because I’m human

/ George Halfin / Leave a comment

Because I’m human I find life easier when I live my life as if I’m putting one foot in front of the other.

Because I’m human I find life easier when I remember that all there is what is happening now, ie me writing this, and that everything else that’s going on in my head is my made up creation.

Because I’m human I find life easier when I trust that everything will work out as it should irrespective of what I do because ultimately I can do my best but I’m not in control anyway.

Because I’m human I forget this…

Because I’m human and I forget this sometimes and I start to get interested in all the thoughts about what needs to be done.

Because I’m human and my thoughts create my feelings, the more I get interested in my thinking about what needs to be done, the more sped up and the more and more overwhelmed I feel.

Because I’m human I start collapsing all the things I need to do and all the different arrangements I need to make so they become bigger and BIGGER in my head and they seem insurmountable.

Because I’m human and I forget I sometime relate to my circumstances like they are me, and I start to think it’s because it’s the school holidays. It’s too much, I can’t juggle my kids, my job my life! I’m not a good mother, wife, colleague, daughter, person etc. etc. etc.!

Because I’m human I start to feel more and more overwhelmed by these feelings until I feel like a volcano about to go off!

Because I’m human when this happens I erupt like a volcano and I cry and I howl and I try and hide in the kitchen

And my children see me and I have to say ‘sorry mummy’s just got herself all worked up now’

And I cry and cry

And I think I’m an ‘Innate Health teacher’ I should know different!

But in that moment all I can see is how real my thinking feels to me and I cry and I howl, and I beat myself up for not being good enough and I go to bed crying and angry at myself.

Because I’m human and I get this way I can’t sleep and my mind is racing

And I realise it may be a good idea to listen to Syd Banks so I do;

But my mind is racing and I can’t hear what he is saying

But I do hear him say “Seriousness like life is a thought and this thought creates a feeling. And if you create the feeling of seriousness then you are in a very serious state.”

(And I hear laughter from the audience and him.)

Then I hear him say

” You are very liable to have stress, strain, sickness and unhappiness and jealousy and everything else… Now seriousness doesn’t help you do anything in life but destroy yourself.”

And even though I’m not quite ready to hear it something does resonate with me,
because at the back of my mind something knows that what he is saying is true

And eventually I fall asleep.

When I wake up I don’t feel 100% and I’m still beating myself up

But part of me knows that beating myself up is a habit

But I’m not quite ready to give that habit up.

Part of me also knows that I’m just taking everything very seriously at the moment; and even though I’m still doing it

A little compassion for myself creeps in

And eventually after a few days I remember what makes life easier and then I’m back again

Until I forget, which I do because I’m human, (sometimes for an hour, sometimes for a day sometimes for a week, sometimes longer).

That’s my version of being human. What’s yours?

Go on I know you have your version too

Because you are human just like me.

If anything I’ve written resonates with you and you are curious to find out more, please get in touch I’d love to hear from you.

What is a drama workshop anyway? – How we all see what we want to see

/ George Halfin / Leave a comment

drama-workshopSo about a week or so ago it was a bit of a rainy Sunday so I decided to take the 5 and half year old to a drama workshop as I thought he may enjoy it. When I read the description I thought there would be some kind of making of sets involved and my son loves making so I thought it would be perfect for him. I obviously read the description wrong because it wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. It turned out I wasn’t the only one because I happened to bump into two sets of friends at the workshop both of whom read it differently as well and expected it to be some kind of performance or something.

It turned out it was an interactive drama workshop where the parents and children had to take part! Needless to say I wasn’t that into it and neither were my friends and I can’t honestly say I did that well at playing along with it and fully participating myself. My son also wasn’t that keen and decided to opt out of some of it. I had also assumed it was going to be an hour and half but it turned out only to be 45 minutes, probably a good thing considering. Continue reading →

There Are Small Miracles Around If We Are Open To Seeing Them

/ George Halfin / Leave a comment

miracle-jpegThe other day I got to train station and realised I didn’t have my Oyster card. I thought that’s funny I had it this morning, maybe I dropped it somewhere.  I phoned my colleague at work to see if I had left it there but couldn’t get through so it occurred to me that I could use my debit card for my train journey so that’s what I did.

I then thought about buying a new card because I wasn’t keen on using my debit card on the bus with the kids due to having tonnes of stuff with us and the mere chaos of getting on and off the bus with them, the buggy and two scooters! Yes we don’t travel light! But my feeling was to wait until the next day to see if I could find my oyster card. So I negotiated getting my debit card out of my wallet on the two chaotic bus journeys and then the calmer more sedate journey to work the next morning.

When I got close to work it was 5 minutes before I was due in and it occurred to me that I could go to the park I had been at lunchtime the day before and see if my oyster card was there. Normally I would have dismissed this thought because it would make me a little late for work but I let my feeling guide me. Sure enough wonder of wonder, miracles of miracles I got to where I was sitting opposite some teenagers the day before and my oyster card was lying on grass nearby.  I was ecstatic and beaming from ear to ear.  It wasn’t that I had found my oyster card it was because I was present to the shear miracle of what had happened.

When I reflected on this I recognised the power of following your wisdom. In that instance I had allowed myself to be quiet enough to hear my wisdom and not fight it with my logic which in the past would have always won over because its voice was much louder and more forceful, to the degree that I was never present to the wisdom inside of me.

May your wisdom guide you and may you see the miracles in daily life that are always available to us if we are open enough to seeing them.

If anything I’ve written resonates with you and you are curious to find out more, please get in touch I’d love to hear from you.

I Struggle and Juggle – The Truth About Being a Mum of Young Kids Today

/ George Halfin / Leave a comment

mum juggling bals of work, husband, kids and freindsI am a mum of 2 gorgeous young boys, wife to a lovely husband (well most of the time), part-time marketing professional and Innate Health Teacher and I juggle and I struggle. I love my boys and my jobs and my husband and I struggle.

I struggle on days when I am trying to get the kids out the house and my eldest son doesn’t want to go to school and I have to perform every parent gymnastics trick in the book to get him there until suddenly he has a change of heart and is happy to go. Then I enjoy the moment of his returned good mood and I wonder at it.

I struggle on days when I have to do a last minute nappy change before we leave and the bus won’t let me on because there are already two buggies on board.

I struggle  on days when it all runs smoothly but I’m in my head about being on time and getting them there and I feel like I’ve done 5 rounds with Mike Tyson by the time I’ve got to work, when in fact I’ve just done 5 rounds with myself.

I love my kids and I struggle. There’s a facebook group for mums called ‘mums that hide in the loo.’ Well I’m a mum who howls in the kitchen. Just to let off steam and occasionally have a sneaky bit of chocolate to keep me going – you understand. Sometimes I even have some that’s left over from the boys party bags (well better my teeth than theirs!).

And I howl to myself and I struggle and I love my children and I treasure the moments we have together because I know it’s precious.

I struggle when I look at Facebook and I start to compare myself to what others are doing. Then I remember that just like me people are only ever posting what they want others to see and that brings me back to the present and I’m OK again.

I juggle and I struggle and sometimes when I’m juggling I don’t pay enough attention to something and I drop a ball, mess up and innocently hurt people. I take responsibility for what I’ve done and I apologise. But I don’t drive myself crazy with guilt like I used to because I know I would be causing myself pain and why would I want to do that to myself anymore?!?

I struggle and I learn. I learn from my gorgeous young boys who for the majority of the time live in the here and now and not in their heads. They are upset about something and they express this clearly and then they are not, they’re onto the next thing.

And I see that I like everyone else on this planet am only ever living in the experience of my thinking. That I’m doing the best I can given what I know to do in the moment. I know that my kids will do what they do and if I’m in a bad mood I’ll see it in a bad way and if I’m in a good mood I’ll think it’s funny and this frees me up. – Because I know that my experience of my kids comes from me and not from them.

And I notice that when I’m seeing life as it is and not as it isn’t. – When I’m present to what is happening now and not lost in my head I savour all life has to offer and I love my kids and life even more. And I notice when I’m lost in my thoughts of how life should be, what’s happening, not happening, if we are late or not, have I left something behind, are my kids OK? Am I OK? Did I get enough sleep? Did my husband get enough sleep? Did I do/say the right thing/the wrong thing?  Where’s my phone? Etc etc ad infinitum I’m distracted and I miss out on the beauty and the wonder of life.

Sometimes when I feel like I’m struggling I can see the habits of thought I’ve created. – For example  when I’m judging myself for something I’ve done or said and then feel bad as a result.  I say to myself here I go again… and I can be OK with myself for doing it, give into it and accept it and it passes quickly. Sometimes I can’t and then I struggle. But now the more I see these habits and I notice the thoughts that I trip myself up on, the less likely I am to believe them the next time they pop into my head.

You see we all have 100,000’s of thoughts a day many of which we don’t notice, and the ones we do and pay attention to give us our experience of life.

Life is precious. Time with my kids is precious and the more I’m truly with them, not distracted by my thinking, the more I enjoy them, appreciate them and love them for the wonder that they are. -How they know what to do to get on in the world without being taught. How they learn to walk and talk and become little people, from their infinite wisdom. The infinite wisdom we all possess that as adults sometimes gets clouded over by the habits and constructs of how to do life that we have unknowingly built up over time.   Well those habits and constructs are just that ‘constructs’. If we can notice that we have built them up then we can knock them down again just as easily. – That to me is one of the keys to living life with less and less struggle.

So I may have the same worrisome thoughts I’ve always had but I don’t experience the same physical sensations; the palpitations, the lack of sleep, the sudden stomach cramps, because I see them for what they are – just thoughts and I don’t trust them so much. As a result I don’t get so entangled in their web that would tighten around me the more I got interested in them and that would lead to my physical discomfort. This is in itself is a blessing.

So I have admitted here that I struggled and I still do but for far less time and with less impact than I have ever done at any point in my life since I was a child. Because now I see my ‘struggle’ for what it is, my own creation and that beyond the so-called ‘struggle’ there is always a light guiding me back to the beauty of the here and now.

If anything I’ve written resonates with you and you fancy joining us and a community of like minded familes in the beautiful Lake District  to reconnect to what’s really important in life  then join us at the 3 Principles Family Gathering. Find out more here.

That Insecure Feeling – Reflections from a sunny day with stormy thinking

/ George Halfin / 1 Comment

FearIt’s funny I was having a lovely day enjoying the sunshine with my toddler and all of a sudden I started to feel a bit angsty and a bit insecure. Then I started to question myself about things I’d said and not said, done and not done which led me to more insecure feelings. Sometimes I can experience these feelings and then blame them on feeling tired and somehow that takes the edge off them because I naturally know not to trust them no matter how alluring they seem. Other times these negative thoughts draw me into their web and then whatever happens in the day I seem to use them as ammunition to fuel that thinking and make myself feel worse and worse. Continue reading →

When does thinking become overthinking? By Matt Halfin

/ George Halfin / Leave a comment

Too many lightbulb momentsMost of us who overthink know from the reaction of our friends and family that there are certain areas of life we take more seriously than other people, but when does thinking become over-thinking?

For me overthinking is when we inhibit the natural flow of life, tying ourselves (and often others) up in mental knots trying to work out The Answer, trying to anticipate any potential outcome, and basically not being able to see the wood for the trees. We of course do this in all innocence and with the best possible intentions – to make good decisions and minimise the risk of things happening to us that we think we might not like. Continue reading →

Moods – As Changeable As The Weather? By Matt Halfin

/ George Halfin / Leave a comment

Moods are like the weatherAs someone who is prone to low moods – by which I mean periods of days or weeks that I feel flat, and more negative, impatient, dissatisfied and heavy – what has been incredibly helpful to me is to understand the true nature of moods.

I used to think that there had to be something causing a bad mood, that they were an unwelcome deviation from being creative and switched on caused by some situation or person to be resisted at all costs. If someone or something was bringing me down then the logical thing was to work out what was doing it and try and fix it. As such I would routinely enrol those closest to me trying to diagnose the cause and cure, which was inevitably a fruitless exercise as I lacked the clarity and perspective to have any fresh thinking. Continue reading →

Why What Other People Say Need Not Affect Our Mood.

/ George Halfin / Leave a comment

Bad moodsWe ended up going away for Easter and had a really lovely time in the countryside with the kids but when we got back my husband and I both somehow found ourselves in a low mood. I had been happy during our break but very tired. My husband had been in a slightly bad mood and not sleeping but when he was with the kids he was great. However to me it occurred that he was being a bit snappy.

I had been reading a book while we were away about a husband who undermines and snaps at his wife, deceives her and then doesn’t realise what he’s lost until there’s no going back. –So maybe that had seeped into my mind-set a bit. Continue reading →

New Job / Old Job – Finding Wisdom In The Eye Of A Storm

/ George Halfin / Leave a comment

Lightbulb momentToward the end of last year my husband was out of work and suggested it may be a good time for me to think about getting some part time work. He was very positive about the opportunity to look for something new and explore different avenues and I was happy for him but I wasn’t happy for me!

His situation brought up lots of past memories of the times I’d been made redundant.  Like my husband my background is in marketing both client and agency side. In my experience it’s quite a volatile market and my career path has had shall we say lots of twists and turns in it. This path has led to what I’m doing now teaching Innate Health which I see as a true expression of what I’ve done to date.  Therefore the thought of going back into working for someone else doing marketing again filled me with dread and self- oathing for all the things/overthinking I can now see I innocently did that held me back in my career and at times made me desperately unhappy. Continue reading →